Gordon Ramsay’s Future Food Stars Review – this understated cooking show is tired, derivative and pointless | food tv

GOrdon Ramsay’s new show begins with him jumping out of a penis. It looks like a helicopter, but it’s a penis. This is apparently to show the attendees of BBC One’s Gordon Ramsay’s Future Food Stars (use the social media hashtag #FFS if the smell of desperation hasn’t caught you yet) what he expects of them. You’re on a beach, looking confused, and you have to start the competition that will decide which up-and-coming food and drink entrepreneur will win £150,000 in Ramsay investment by jumping off a cliff in Cornwall. Why? Because, Ramsay barks, “an idea is only as good as the person who has it, and I want to discover your true DNA.”

you do it They can all swim so it’s very boring. He does not repel even the hesitant. This is a halfway decent Ramsay; tasty, no raw emotions, as harmless as possible. The first 20 minutes are over.

The remaining 40 are a bit more interesting. Divided into teams, each given a budget of £600, participants are challenged to come up with an idea for a takeaway that will sell tasty but portable food to hungry Newquay residents. Whoever makes the biggest profit during a lunch break wins. Whoever wins the least – take that – loses, and one member of that team is sent home. It’s The Apprentice with Crabs. This could also be The Apprentice, but let’s not get into that.

The red team is looking forward to a variety of tacos, including – at the insistence of team member Vincenzo – monkfish. “We’re by the sea,” he says, as if it were cheap, easy, and appropriate food for a taco instead of monkfish.

The blue team opts for pasta and scallops, with a vegan option from Valentina, who soon becomes terribly angry with other members for disrespecting mushrooms.

The green team chooses toasties. “What about something more interesting?” says Amit, who is more of a restaurateur than some. “No,” says Steph, who used to be in the Navy. Or maybe that was Leah on the red team. Like The Apprentice, there are only two or three iterations of the competition model, and trying to distinguish between people at this stage is like looking up a vehicle identification number on a car when all you need to know is that it’s a Volkswagen .

Ramsay urges them all to work together and avoid conflict, which is funny for many reasons, and they head to their test kitchens ahead of the big day. They make some test tacos, test toasties, and test tnoodles.

Opening day arrives and the race begins. The red team immediately falls apart, and Vincenzo shirks all monkfish responsibilities, leaving teammate Bola (for the first time ever) to cook while he handles the reception. Which consists of taking customers’ cash and telling them whenever they order the monkfish taco that it was his idea. We’re not warming to Vincenzo. Or as Asher, who fills orders as quickly as possible, puts it: “Just imagine, it’s utter bullshit, to be honest.”

Gordon’s “secret shoppers” denounce the noodles as “rotten” and “stuff poured over them,” but the suitors don’t seem to mind – in fact, the blue team’s main problem is soon running out of ingredients – and Valentina seems over her previously murderous mushroom frenzy to be.

The toastie queue is growing – less, it seems, from popularity than from team incompetence. The wait is ridiculous. “Forty minutes for a bloody toastie,” Gordon spat out, unable to control himself as he slinked around and looked at the madness he’d half created.

Afterwards, they gather in a darkened room to hear Gordon’s verdict. win noodles. lose tacos One by one, Gordon calls the red team into a slightly smaller, darkened room to play the disappointed headmaster and eventually kick Vincenzo out. Possibly mostly because he tried to defend himself by saying “I was a scared boy…now I’m a hungry man”.

It all feels tired, hackneyed (even if it’s Ramsay’s own stuff) and pointless. The producers have read the 2022 room well enough to know that viewers likely won’t have an appetite for more fury than the world itself is offering right now, but the problem, of course, is that Gordon is even less fun on a leash than Gordon without a leash. It’ll fill a gap in schedules, but essentially it’s an under-spiced taco, a plain cheddar toastie, or stodgy pasta with some stuff on it.

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